I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
