Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
