why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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