Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
