Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
