4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Come share oat with me in your robe
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
