Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
