11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I'm really busy with my period
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