Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
did you just send me my own nude
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
