i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
