ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
