the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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