i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
