It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
