Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
