Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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