On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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