lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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