just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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