We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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