Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
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The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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