You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
