So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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