Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
