Your tits are I can't wait for
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
