My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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