the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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