"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
