Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
