I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
