Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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