You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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