i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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