i think i have two assholes
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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