i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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