My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize