I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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