I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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