1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize