Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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