There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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