Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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