Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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