I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We're too hungover to prance.
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