I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
