It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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