who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
