Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize