He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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