I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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