i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
