I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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