I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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