Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
