The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
3 2 1 whiskey
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
