it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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