Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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