i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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