I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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