I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
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But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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