Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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