this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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