wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
