I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
