If that was your dad, he is hot
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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