he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
