Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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