have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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