Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it was like eating out sand paper
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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