I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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